


Tearing Down The Wall

by ObsidianRomance



Series: A Matter of Coincidence 'Verse [3]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRomance/pseuds/ObsidianRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You need to read Confined Spaces and Out in the Open to understand this story.  This installment takes place 7 weeks after Jared and Jensen's first mini-date. What happens when they actually leave the twins at home and go out on their own?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tearing Down The Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: budding J2 romance  
> Warnings: mpreg, cursing, male lactation, schmoop, postmpreg!jared, angst  
> Word Count: 8,271  
> Rating: PG - NC-17 (There is some porn at the end)  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the mistakes. I am just borrowing characters and faces for fun.
> 
> [](http://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/7826580544/)

While Jared may have been slow to start, Jensen was happy to find out that once he put his mind to something, he _really_ put his mind to something.  With the younger man laying all of his weight on top of him, Jensen was never more thankful for that fact

Jared had Jensen pinned to the couch, his height advantage being put to good use as he attacked Jensen’s lips.  And oh god, that mouth – Jensen was sure that mouth was going to be his undoing because the way it was working up against his and the way Jared’s tongue flitted into the heat of his own mouth was making Jensen’s heart beat so hard that he could feel it in his toes.

He let out a soft moan and pulled Jared closer, locking his hands around the man’s waist.  The couch was a little cramped but having Jared – like this – so close made the discomfort worth it.  The younger man brought the hand he wasn’t using to support himself up to cup Jensen’s cheek before he shifted his jaw and kissed Jensen harder.

Of few things in life Jensen was absolutely sure.  One of them was that Jared was a great kisser.  A phenomenal one.  He made kissing an art form.  He was intense and sensual and he kissed Jensen like he needed the other man’s mouth for survival.  It was completely intoxicating and fueled every butterfly in his stomach to come out of hibernation and make Jensen’s heart do flip-flops.  Jensen was hopelessly addicted.

Tilting his head up, he fought with Jared for dominance of the kiss, tongues warring for control.  Suddenly the man’s hands were at his hips, rough and groping, and Jensen thought he would die.  He grabbed onto Jared’s own hips, fingers digging into the area around his hip bones as he moaned again, forcing his lips against Jared’s with more passion.

This time Jared let out a breathy moan, rolling his body against Jensen’s and tightening his legs around him.  He traced the outline of Jensen’s lips with his tongue before diving in again and letting out a little growl.

That’s when Jensen knew he was going to die.  Jared was going to kill him.  It was imminent.  It had taken them two months to get here, but Jared had definitely found his confidence and was using it to slowly unravel Jensen’s ability to think.  For over a year Jensen had wondered what it would feel like to have this with Jared, and his daydreams paled in comparison to reality.  Jared was gorgeous, amazing, and perfectly perched over his body…finally.  And Jared was clearly trying to destroy him with his mouth.

So while it may have taken them a few weeks to get to this level of intensity, Jensen couldn’t be happier.  Everything with Jared seemed to work best when given time to grow on its own.  That’s not to say it didn’t frustrate Jensen to high holy hell.  He was a gentleman but not dead.  He very much wanted to get into Jared’s pants and while that possibility was finally becoming a reality, he could hold out on that venture for as long as Jared needed.

Jensen sighed when Jared’s fingers brushed that sensitive spot on his hip, the noise making Jared smile against his lips.  Having the younger man’s weight on him felt so much better than he thought it would.  He had always wondered how it would feel being tangled around each other and this brief taste of that proved promising.  Since holding Jared against his chest in the elevator 9 weeks ago, Jensen knew he always wanted the weight against his heart.  But 9 weeks ago he and Jared were fueled by panic and fear and a quick but necessary breaking all of their boundaries.  This was different.  This was just them; the two of them wrapped up in each other and figuring out how they fit together.

Until it wasn’t.                                                                                                                            &nbsp 

Jared’s ear caught the shrill sound of a baby’s cry from the monitor beside the couch.  He stiffened, muscles ready to push him off the couch but he laid in wait 

Jensen groaned in protest at the loss of Jared’s lips and could have sworn the younger man had cursed under his breath in a similar protest.  “Maybe she’ll go back to sleep.”

“Maybe.”  Listening for a moment, there was silence. “I don’t want her to wake Ari.”

Through the dimness of the room, Jensen could make out Jared’s face – eyebrows raised, ears tuned to the monitor, lips slightly parted.  He found it adorable that the man thought he could tell his daughters apart by just one cry over the monitor.  And maybe he could, but Jensen sure as hell couldn’t 

Hearing nothing, Jared leaned back down, smirked, and worked his lips against Jensen’s, moaning into them.  But as quickly as he had delved into the kiss again, Jared pulled upright when he heard another cry.  Without a word he was off the couch and heading towards the nursery.

Letting out a puff of air, Jensen pressed himself up so that he was sitting against the back of the couch, recovering from being the boneless heap Jared had reduced him to.  He stretched his back and winced when it let out a crack as his joints fell into place.  When Jared returned with not one but two crying babies, it was clear that ‘play’ time was over and Jared had flipped the father switch.  Though disappointed, he didn’t hold any resentment and when Jared plopped Arianna into his arms it instantly killed the feelings of lust that had been coursing through his body.  “Hi angel face.”  Jensen snuggled Ari closer to his chest, her face rooting around in search of food.  “Yeah, I don’t think that is going to work sweetie.”   His words elicited a laugh from Jared, who was busy trying to get Brooke to nurse.  Tightening his hold on Ari, Jensen rose from the couch to retrieve and warm a bottle for her.  The girls’ feeding schedule had become relatively routine and he couldn’t believe that he and Jared has lost track of time so completely that it had snuck up on them.

Also routine was the comfortable way he and Jared eased into the twin’s feeding time.  They had the feeding rotation down perfectly, Jared always feeding one baby while Jensen got two bottles ready.  It had taken a few weeks to coordinate this performance but, now that they had settled into it, it was second nature.  Unsurprisingly, Jared had protested, insisting that Jensen didn’t have to feel responsible for the girls.  When it became apparent that Jensen loved doting on them and being part of the girls’ lives, Jared relented.  Besides, they had been spending more nights per a week together and the twins had to eat, Jensen felt like he might as well make himself useful.  Sometimes Jensen wondered how Jared did it when he wasn’t around.  He knew that system involved a lot of balancing and pillows and couldn’t possibly be as sweet and fulfilling as what they had now.  Not that he doubted Jared’s parenting skills – at all.  Jared was amazing 

It wasn’t much of a secret, but Jensen was just as crazy about Brooke and Arianna as he was about Jared.  Though Jared often apologized for the girls’ ability to monopolize their date nights, one of the things that got Jensen through the workday was seeing those bright eyed babies.  When he realized weeks ago that it wasn’t just Jared he was anxious to see but the girls as well, it surprised him.  While he always liked kids, he had never been so enamored with infants before.  But the twins were different.  From the moment they were born into his hands, Jensen was captivated.

Arianna polished off her bottle before Jared was done with Brooke.  Putting the still hungry baby over his shoulder, Jensen patted her back while taking in Jared’s form.  The man was slumped lazily against the couch, his youngest cradled lovingly at his chest.  Jared was doing that whole amazing, beautiful, perfect thing that Jensen felt he always did when he fed his children.  Not to be forgotten, Arianna stole Jensen’s attention back to her when she let out burp.  He swung her onto his lap and laid her down so he could tip-toe his fingers across her body.  She latched onto one of her fingers with her tiny hand and made a fist around it.  “What ‘cha doing munchkin?”  Smiling down at the baby, he ran the pad of his thumb over her cheek.  It took him a moment to realize that Jared was staring at him.  “What?”

Jared shook his head.  “Nothing.  Just watching the two of you.”  He smiled and kissed the top of Brooke’s head.  “She’s all yours if you want to switch.”

Shrugging, Jensen squinted at Jared, not sure what he was thinking.  Pushing the thought aside, he pulled the baby into his arms and deposited her in the crook of Jared’s free arm.  “Alright cutie, go to your papa.”  Once he had Arianna settled he gently relieved Jared of a whiny Brooke.  “Hey Queen B.”  Grabbing the prepared bottle from the cocktail table, he took a seat beside Jared, still giving the man space but maintaining a certain closeness.  Brooke squirmed, made one of her puppy noises, and fought the bottle for a brief moment before noisily sucking away.

“I’m sorry,”  Jared sulked in Jensen’s direction, “about the kids’ uncanny ability to wiggle their way into everything.”  He puffed out a lungful of air, slumping back onto the couch.  Shifting Arianna against his chest, she greedily took pulls of milk, the soft sounds of her eating mingling with Brooke’s.  Jared cooed down at her for a moment before returning his eyes to Jensen’s.  “Yeah, so I’m sorry.  I know you adore the girls and everything and I appreciate you helping out and coming over here all the time, but I am sure it’s not how you want to spend your dating life.”

And there it was, Jared taking two steps forward and one step back.  They had been doing so well lately but Jared’s instinct to pull away ran deep.  Settling Brooke’s bottle with his chin, Jensen pressed a finger to Jared’s lips.  “Shh.”  He threw the younger man a look to help him understand that none of Jared’s previous concerns had any merit.  Removing his finger so that he could more effectively feed Brooke, he shuffled closer to Jared.  “Actually, this has been kinda nice.  It feels good…natural.  And if I didn’t want to spend my dating life this way then I wouldn’t be here.”  He leaned forward, cognizant of the twin’s locations, and pressed a kiss to Jared’s lip, working against them and nipping them playfully before pulling away.  “And they don’t take up _all_ our time.  I’ve been rather enjoying the way we spend our alone time.”

Jared flushed, Jensen’s actions leaving him breathy and feeling the absence of the man’s lips.  “Me too…”  He blinked himself back to reality.

Jensen caught the way Jared responded to him and his heart skipped a beat.  Through Jared was tentative, the feelings were there and that was enough to make Jensen smile from ear to ear.  “This,” he nodded his head at the four of them, “is good.”

Flush receding, a smile slowly crept onto Jared’s face.  With Arianna still nursing, he straightened up and regained composure.  “It is?”

“Mmm hmm.”  Jensen swung Brooke up onto his shoulder and thumped her back.

Biting his bottom lip, Jared avoided eye contact and focused on Arianna.  He slowly transferred her to his other arm and dabbed the milky corners of her mouth with a burp cloth.  “Umm, well my sister is coming to spend the weekend and I thought…maybe one of those nights we could go out…like ‘out’ out…and she could watch the girls.”

The fact that Jared seems so uncertain of Jensen’s response almost made the older man laugh.  They had been spending more and more time together, relishing both the time with the twins and their alone time, and Jared actually thought he might say “no”?  Prior to the twins’ births Jensen had tried to get Jared to go ‘out’ on a date with him 7 times, 8 if you counted lunch with a client.  The corner of his lip turned up.  “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Yeah.”

Breaking the tension with humor, Jensen went all doe eyed.  “Are you going to bring me roses?  I like sterling ones by the way.”  He released a breathy sigh and blinked at Jared.

Jared laughed immediately when he realized Jensen was joking.  “Shut up.”  Playfully swatting him in the arm, Jared gently shoved Jensen away in a quick rocking motion.  “Don’t make me retract my offer.”

“No.  I wouldn’t want you to do that.”  Jensen’s voice went deep, a hint of mischief hiding in the back of his tone.  “And yes, I would love to go out with you.”  While he was talking the two men had slowly drifted closer together, so close now that their noses almost brushed.

“I like that answer.”  Jared jutted his chin out to nudge Jensen’s face and cocked his head to the side slightly, placing a solid kiss on the man’s parted lips.

*****

When Jensen was 8 he had wanted a specific bicycle for so long that he found himself asking for it for every birthday or holiday.  All his friends had one and Jensen couldn’t help but daydream about the adventures he would go on if he only had that bike.

The sad part of the story is that once he finally got the bike it wasn’t as ‘magical’ as he thought it would be.  It could never live up to the over hyping his daydreaming had produced.  Said bike wound up sitting in the garage after a few weeks, and was eventually forgotten and deemed useless when Jensen grew too big for it.

Right now, Jensen was feeling a little bit like Jared was that bike.  Or maybe he was the bike.  He had dreamed of a chance to date Jared for so long that he was worried the real thing wouldn’t live up to his expectations.  Or maybe he wouldn’t live up to Jared’s expectations.  All in all, Jensen’s stomach was twisted in knots.

Their ‘dates’ in Jared’s apartment were different but perfect.  They had been simple and relaxed.  But without the girls around to give them a distraction or a unified front, Jensen worried if he would fall flat.  It had taken him hours to figure out that fear was what was setting him on edge because _never_ before had Jensen’s confidence wavered so much.  It scared him how strongly he felt this date had the possibility to swing fate in either direction.  He wanted it desperately to work out.  They had been playing this dating game for 7 weeks and Jensen was already all in, past the point of being able to walk away unscathed.

Swallowing his fear, he smoothed down the front of his pants and knocked on Jared’s door.  “Well, here goes nothing.” Instead of Jared opening the door, Jensen was faced with the bouncy brunette he had seen in pictures.  She had one infant snuggled into her arms and her eyes were bright with excitement.

“Hi! You must be Jensen!”  She reached out a free hand and offered it to the man.  “I’m Megan, Jared’s little sister.”

Shaking her hand, Jensen gave her a beaming smile.  “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Well come in, come in.  Jared is just finishing getting ready.”  She waved Jensen inside animatedly.  “Jared has told me so much about you!”

Eyebrows raised in surprise, Jensen pulled back at Megan’s words.  “He has?”  He wished he could say the same thing, but Jared's been tight lipped about revealing family histories or information.

“Oh yeah, of course!  I’ve been hearing about you for months.”  She smiled and gently bounced the little girl in her arms.  “Jared doesn’t normally go on about people, but when he does…well, that’s when we know it’s serious.”

Apparently Jared’s tight lipped attitude was not genetic.  Jensen had a feeling Megan would spill any secret without even realizing it.  “Serious?”

Shifting her weight to her other hip, Megan nodded her head.  “Yeah.  We were all wonderin’ when he was going to get his head out of his ass and do something about it.  I am just glad I decided to come for a visit this weekend so you could _finally_ go out on a proper date.  He kinda doesn’t really trust the twins with a lot of people.”

Jensen got the feeling that Megan knew more about the direction his and Jared’s relationship was going than he actually did.  Not sure if he was discomforted by this completely stranger seemingly knowing so much about him or touched that Jared spoke highly about him, Jensen scratched the back of his head and hmm’ed 

The baby let out a yawn and Jensen smiled at her.  “Hello Arianna.  How are you doing today?”

“Oh, no, this one is Brooke.”  Megan smiled and shifted the baby.

Not wanting to sound rude, Jensen laughed.  “No, it’s Arianna.  You can tell by the noses she makes.  Brooke is more puppy-like.”

“Umm, I don’t think so.”  Megan squinted her eyes at the baby and then Jensen.

“Actually, he is right.  I have Brooke.”  Jared had snuck up on the two of them, a pretty difficult feat given his size and the fact that he had a 2 month old in his arms 

Megan startled, looking from one baby to the other.  “Darn it.  I am like the worst aunt on earth!”  She cooed down at Arianna apologetically.  “I am sorry Ari.  I guess I am pretty bad at this twin thing.”

“You are not the worst aunt on earth.  You have volunteered to watch the both of them for several hours.  Right now, that makes you the best person.  And they are both too young to even realize you suck at telling them apart.”

Megan stuck her tongue out at her brother and snorted.  “Okay smarty pants, how do you tell them apart?”

“I just know.”  Though he was speaking to his sister, Jared met Jensen’s eyes, smiling.  “Hi.”

“Hi.”  Jensen felt the magnetic pull between them but fought against it in the presence of Megan.  “You look nice.”

“Thanks.  You do to.”  Jared stammered over his words before pulling himself out of the moment.

Oblivious to the interactions between Jensen and her brother, Megan pointed a thumb towards the older man.  “But he knows how to tell them apart.”

Jensen didn’t take his eyes of Jared, who was currently failing in his attempts to avoid the stare.  “I just know too.”

"Great."  Looking between the two men, Megan screwed her face up in confusion.  “Well whatever.  I guess they’ll just get used to being called by each other’s name.”

Sighing, Jared pulled back.  He rested Brooke’s back against his chest so the design on her onsie showed plainly.  It was pink leopard print cotton with an embroidered lion and text reading ‘Wild About Grandpa’.  “Relax.  I came up with a fail proof plan the help you remember.   Brooke is in the Grandpa onsie and Arianna is in the Grandma one.”

Megan pulled Arianna away from her body enough to look down at the wording on her outfit.  She laid her down in the bassinet, her milk filled tummy rounding out the pattern.  It was almost identical to her sister’s, save for the word ‘Grandma’.  “Aww!  I didn’t even realize you dressed them in the outfits dad sent with me!”

Jared smiled and offered an explanation to Jensen.  “My dad is just crazy about these two, maybe even more than my mother.  He loves kids.  It is a shame they live so far away.  He has to make do with e-mail pictures and constantly sending care packages for them.”

“That sounds about right for a doting grandfather.”  Jensen wondered who possibly _couldn’t_ dote on the girls.

“Yeah.”  There was a sadness in Jared’s eyes that Jensen couldn’t identify.  He turned towards Megan.  “And if you forget, I put a note on the refrigerator.  Grandpa equals Brooke.  Grandma equals Arianna.”

“Got it!”  She reached out and plucked Brooke from Jared’s arms.  “Now get out of here!”  She smiled mischievously.

“I left my cell and Jensen’s cell number on the fridge as well.  They just ate so they should be good until we get back.  Call me if anything, and I mean _anything_ happens.”

“Okay, relax, just go already.  I am watching them for a few hours, how hard could it be?”  Megan shrugged and nuzzled the top of Brooke’s head.

Snorting, Jared shook his head at her.  He brushed past her to Arianna and placed a kiss on her head.  “Bye angel.  I’ll be back soon.  Be good for Aunt Megan.”  He paused for a moment to look at his sleepy firstborn, his heart tugging at the thought of leaving her.

“They’ll be fine Jared.”  Megan came to stand beside him.

“No, I know that.  It’s just…”  Jared’s words were weighed down with concern and he shoved both hands in his pocket to prevent the nervous energy making his fingers fidget.

“Hey, they’ll be okay.  They’ll probably just sleep until we get back.”  Putting a comforting hand on Jared’s shoulder, Jensen leaned close to him.

“I’ve never left them before.”

Frowning, Jensen pressed his lips to the side.  He could see the conflicting emotions playing over Jared’s face, palpable with concern, worry, and protectiveness.  “Do you not want to?  I mean, if you are not ready to…We can stay in.”

“Absolutely not.  You two are going out.”  Megan took charge of the situation, keeping both men’s attention on her.  “You _need_ to go out Jared.  The girls will be fine.  I will call you if anything happens.  So try to stop worrying and enjoy yourself for a few hours?”

Jared shook his head to clear his thoughts.  “You’re right.  We should go.  I’m just being a little over protective.”  He gave Jensen a weak smile.  “Sorry.  I really do want to go out.  I just worry about them too.”

Rolling his eyes, Jensen waved the younger man’s apology away.  “Seriously Jared, you need to stop apologizing for being an amazing father.  I know you want to go out.  You are the one who asked me, remember?”

The memory brought a genuine smile to Jared’s face.  “Yeah.”  In a swift movement he turned towards Megan and cupped the face of the infant in her arms.  “Bye Brookey.”  He kissed each chubby cheek before turning towards the door.  “Thanks Megan, I owe you.”

“Yeah, you do.”  Megan laughed as she followed the two men.  “Ohh, and Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“You were right.  He is delicious.”  She wrinkled her nose up playfully.

Jared practically yelped.  He cupped a hand over Megan’s mouth after a serious of flailing movements.  “Alright then.  That’s enough from you.”  He glowered at her, keeping his hand on her mouth until the last second before dashing out the door and slamming it behind him.

“I’m delicious?”  Jensen was leaning against the hallway wall opposite Jared’s apartment’s entrance with his arms crossed in front of his chest.  He raised one eyebrow in interest.

“Shut up.”  Attempting to cover his blush, Jared brought a hand to the side of his face.

Jensen pushed off of the wall and gently pulled Jared’s hand down.  He leaned in close enough so his words were a whisper but loud enough to reach Jared’s ears.  “I think you’re delicious too.”  His heart thumped loudly and practically exploded when Jared unexpectedly turned his face towards him and attacked his lips with a heated kiss.  They had dinner reservations in 20 minutes…they might be late.

********

As it turned out, they were late for dinner but only by 5 minutes.  Being late was probably a good thing because it kept Jared’s mind off of other things – namely missing the twins.

But once seated at a table, those worries came back.  It had taken the man all of 5 minutes to fish out his cell phone and fiddle with it, silently questioning if he should or shouldn’t call Megan.

The truth was, Jensen was missing the girls too.  Having spent more dinners with them within earshot made eating away from the twins feel strange.  So when Jared decided to step outside briefly to check on Megan and the kids it was only a moment before Jensen was going to suggest the very same thing.

Unsurprisingly, the babies were not dead.  They weren’t even crying.  Jensen could tell Jared felt like an idiot for only being able to hold out 30 minutes before calling his sister but when he told the younger man he would have done the same thing, Jared’s smile was back in place.

Dinner was uneventful but nice.  It wasn’t awkward like Jensen feared it might be.  Instead their conversation held the same ease that had developed over their last seven weeks together.  Jared wasn’t the bike and, from the interested look on the younger man’s face, Jensen wasn’t either.  Jensen found himself laughing when Jared delved into stories about his mother’s crazy antics and wanted to kiss the smile right off the man’s face when Jared listened with interest to Jensen’s stories about his failed attempt to be in a band.

Working together for a year had given Jensen a wealth of information about Jared’s personality.  Their small interactions at the office gave him a sense of who he was as a person.  Dinner gave Jensen a sense of what filled in the holes in Jared’s life and made him an individual.  Finding out Jared liked metal music was a shock, but listening to Jared talk about why he favored some bands made Jensen think that maybe he had been missing out on something.  The revelation that his appreciation of metal also extended to hair metal almost sent Jensen into a muffled fit of laughter when he pictured Jared with teased out hair and eye makeup.  Jared got in on it and was quick to remind Jensen that he was the one with the dream of a band so maybe he should don a pair of tight pants and start growing his cropped hair.  He goes into more detail about their mock band and pretty soon their laughter is earning them dirty looks by other diners.  Laughing harder, Jensen learns that maybe he isn’t the only one with a penchant for daydreaming.

One thing Jensen did know going into this date was Jared’s love of strawberries, and he used it to his full advantage with the dessert order of chocolate covered ones.  It may have been one of the best decisions he made in his entire life because watching Jared’s mouth practically make love to the strawberry as he ate it – little moan of contentment escaping his mouth – makes Jensen want to kiss the red juice Jared is currently licking off his lips.  Only he can’t do that because he currently can’t stand up, or shouldn’t stand up – at least not for a few minutes.  Then Jared makes that little moan again and Jensen thinks he needs more than just a few minutes.

By the time they are ready to leave the restaurant Jensen doesn’t want the evening to end.  Jared must feel the same way because when Jensen suggests they go back to his place for a few hours the younger man is quick to agree.  They told Megan they wouldn’t be longer than 5 hours, which gives them a little more than 2 hours of one on one time.

Jared hadn’t been to Jensen’s house, and when they walked in the door his eyes go wide.  It is a lot bigger than Jensen ever let on and he knows Jared is taking in every element, or as much as he is letting Jared take in by purposely keeping most of the lights off.   He would be happy to give Jared a tour but right now he has a different tour in mind.  When Jared smirked devilishly and asked where the bedroom is, Jensen grabed his hand and practically dragged him up the stairs.

When Jared decides on something his resolution is so sound that very little can get in his way.  Which is exactly why, upon entering the bedroom, he shoved Jensen so hard that the man’s legs gave out and he landed flat on his back in the middle of the bed.  Jensen hardly regained composure when Jared is crawling over his body and crashing their lips together.  His hands go up to Jared’s waist and he surrenders to that mouth, the mouth that is continuing its quest to unravel him.

They are making out like teenagers, only their kisses are more intense, skilled, and passionate than any teenager could muster.  Jensen flips them, canting his hips into Jared’s and crushing his weight into him.  He pulls away for a moment to look at Jared – hair fanned across the pillow, lips parted in an attempt to catch his breath – and his heart practically stops at the realization that Jared is actually in his bed.  He can’t think any further on the matter because Jared fisted the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss, their tongues fighting against each other’s 

Jensen sneaks his fingers under Jared’s shirt, skimming across the man’s sides and dipping lower so he could grip his hip bones.  Jared moans and Jensen swallows it down, growling into the kiss.  Jared is so open, so receptive, attacking Jensen’s lips with equal vigor.  It is enough to give Jensen the confidence to drag one hand away from Jared’s hips and slides it in a snaking motion down the front of Jared’s pants.

Jared freezes mid-kiss.  He stiffens and presses his back into the mattress in an attempt to get enough leverage to shimmy up the bed.

Not understanding how he could have misread the signs, Jensen pulls his hand free and grabs Jared’s hips to keep him in place.  “I’m sorry.”  The apology leaves his mouth before Jared has a chance to speak 

Blinking up at him, Jared’s eyes are not the lust filled ones they were moments ago.  Breath hitching, “It’s okay.  I just…I want to…I do.  I just…”

Jensen silenced the man with a quick kiss. "it's fine.  I shouldn't have..."  He is so hard he feels like he might not have any blood left in his brain to figure out what went wrong.  “I thought you…”  Letting his words trail off he tries to roll off Jared but the younger man pulls at his thighs to keep him put.

“I do.” Sighing loudly, he raked a hand through his hair.  “God Jensen, I’m sorry.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  I’m just…”  He paused, face looking defeated.  “Can we not go there yet?”  Fidgeting under the discomfort of the discussion and eyes hopeful that Jensen would believe his sincerity, Jared bit his lip.  “It’s been a long time…and the twins…and…”

As bad as he wants to see and feel every part of Jared, it is nothing compared to Jensen’s desire to have the man comfortable with the situation.  “Jared, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”  He hovers over the younger man and cups a hand to his cheek.

“It’s not you.”

Jensen snorts, “I’ve heard that line before.”

“I mean it.”  Jared’s voice took on a pleading quality.  “It’s me.  I’m so messed up.”  At the last words he turned his head to the side, almost burying it in the pillow.

Jensen’s heart breaks a fraction and he slides off Jared, resting on his side so that he can face the other man head on.  “Hey.  Don’t say that.  Don’t ever say that.”  He waits until Jared peaks an eye open.  “You’re not messed up.  You’ve just been scarred.  I can understand that.”  His tone is sweet, each word falling like a safety net around Jared.

Jared stares at him, eyes flitting between two emotions Jensen cannot decipher.  “I just feel terrible about it.  You are so good and patient and…”  Chest rising and falling more rapidly, Jared pressed himself closer to Jensen, throwing his arms around the man’s neck and leaning closer to brush his lips.  “You’re so good.&rdquo 

And just like that, Jared was kissing him again.  His mouth fitting so perfectly with Jensen’s that the man didn’t care if that was all they did.  There was much more to Jared that Jensen wanted to be a part of than just sex in any form.  He could wait.  He could wait.  He could wait.  Maybe if he kept repeating that mantra it would make the wait easier.

After a few minutes Jared got more aggressive, returning Jensen to lying on his back and draping his body over him.  He let his lips trail down the side of Jensen’s jaw bone and nipped at his neck.

Jensen moaned on an exhalation of breath.  He caught Jared by the back of his head and pressed him closer to the crook of his neck, prompting the younger man to intensify his kisses.  Jared started sucking the skin of his neck between soft kisses and Jensen was so lost in the feeling that he almost – almost – didn’t realize Jared was pushing his shirt up and trailing his kisses even lower.  Then Jared’s mouth clamped down on his nipple and sucked forcing Jensen to let out a groan.  He would have arched off the bed in surprise but Jared had one palm forcefully splayed across his chest, the other making quick work of his pant's fasteners.  Brain finally catching up with what was happening, Jensen caught Jared’s wrist in his hand.  “Jared, it’s okay, you don’t have to.”

Jared looked up at him through lashes without stopping his kisses, lust drunk eyes back in place.  He pulled away slightly, mouth curving in a way that made Jensen’s heart skip a beat.  “I know that.”  Eyes still locked with Jensen's, he wormed his hand down the front of his pants and curled his fingers around Jensen’s stiff length.  “I want to though.  I really want to.”  He gave Jensen a squeeze and a couple of teasing strokes.  “Unless you don’t want me to.”

Head spinning from the thought of _anybody_ saying no to that, Jensen’s mouth goes dry.  Jared is practically eye fucking him and he can’t stop himself from jerking his hips and thrusting against the man’s hand.  “Oh god I want you to.”  He feels Jared start pumping him in a slow rhythm and even this teasing bullshit is better than any fantasy he’s had.  Holding onto the last shard of composure he has, and knowing that once he uses it up he is at Jared’s mercy, he props himself up on his elbows and runs a hand through Jared’s hair.  “But you don’t have to.”  Despite the desire, his words are sincere.

“That’s why I’m doing it.”  With a firm push, Jared knocks Jensen back to the mattress and resumes his task of freeing Jensen from his pants.  Letting his length go for a moment, Jared swiftly yanks Jensen’s pants and underwear down, tossing them to the side before tiptoeing his fingers up the man’s cock once again and curling around it once finger at a time.  He waits until Jensen’s eyes are closed to dip his head down and swirl his tongue around the tip, already wet and leaking.

“Fuck! Jared!”  Jensen’s hips buck, and a shiver strong enough to tense every muscle in his body runs through him.  And then that mouth, that mouth intent on undoing him, is on him and Jensen’s mind reels.  He chokes on a moan, and his hand goes to the back of Jared’s head, fingers laced in his hair with a firm but gentle pressure.  He can’t help it.  He’s wanted Jared there for so long that he had to make sure this is really happening.  Propping himself up on his elbows again, he gets a second reaffirmation when he watches Jared work.  The younger man’s head is bobbing up and down skillfully and if Jensen thought Jared was a phenomenal kisser, he is even better at giving head.

Jared is making these little noises that are a mix between a moan and a mew and it takes Jensen a minute to realize that the younger man is enjoying this.  Jared is in total control here; Jensen couldn’t move even if he wanted to because every bone has vacated his body.  He speeds up his pace, swallowing Jensen down while locking eyes with him again.

It’s the eye contact that goes straight through Jensen.  Jared’s not hiding.  He’s right there, making Jensen feel like he is going to fall over the edge, a glorious, glorious edge.  Tensing, he bucks his hips in shallow movements, wanting as much of Jared’s mouth as he can get.  His eyes practically rolled back when Jared used his tongue to trace a pattern on the underside of his dick as he bobbed his head with vigor.  “Jared, I’m gonna…you’re gonna…”  His words dissolved into a moan and he fisted the bed sheets with his free hand.  At the rate the younger man was going, Jensen wasn’t going to last much longer.  “Oh fuck Jared, please don’t stop.”

Jared’s response was an increase in speed and bringing one hand up to gently roll Jensen's balls in his palm.  It took three more pumps of his mouth and Jensen let out a shout as his body went rigid in the throes of the orgasm rolling over him.  Jared swallowed down pulse after pulse of the man’s come, gently sliding his mouth and tongue around Jensen’s cock.

Jensen, neck and back arched off the mattress and trying to remember how to breathe again, opened his eyes long enough to see Jared pull off of him and lick him clean.  The sight awoke the butterflies in his stomach but he was too blissed out to do anything but collapse back on the mattress.  Arm folded over his eyes, he realized his hips were still moving slightly with the residual effects of his orgasm.  “Wow.”  Rolling on his side he faced Jared and pulled him against his chest so that he was effectively spooning the man.  Jared said nothing, but he was smiling, and he let out a little purr when Jensen dropped a kiss to the back of his neck.  Keeping an arm tucked around Jared’s waist, he pulls him closer still.  In almost one motion, Jared covered Jensen’s arms with his own.

The silence that envelopes them is a comfortable one.  Jensen is sated and heavy with post orgasm laziness.  He is trailing fingers absently along the exposed skin on Jared’s forearms and nuzzling the back of his neck.  Jared is quiet, but he has a tight enough grip on Jensen’s arms to let the older man know he is still awake 

In the end, Jared breaks the silence.  He is still wrapped up in Jensen, facing away from the man but pressing his backside into him forcefully to keep as much contact as he can get.

“My father abandoned me when I was 5.”

The statement is a sharp contrast from what happened 10 minutes ago.  Jensen’s mind still isn’t at its sharpest and he gives the back of Jared’s head a puzzled stare.  “Huh?”

“You asked what happened to me to make me not trust people.”  Jared doesn’t move, if anything he goes slightly rigid but stays firmly on his side, eyes focused on the wall.  “When I was 5, my father walked out on my mother and his kids.”  His words are flat, like he’s trained himself to use no emotion when talking about the subject.

Even despite the flatness, Jensen can tell the words are painful.  As someone who grew up with both parents and never doubting their love, Jensen can’t imagine what being denied that is like for a kid.  “The same father that dotes on your kids?”  It doesn’t make any sense and Jensen pushes himself up onto his hip so he can look down at Jared.

“Paul?  He’s my step father.”  Jared finally rolls onto his back, exposing himself to Jensen.  His eyes are dull and he is avoiding eye contact, but he keeps speaking.  “My biological father walked out on us.  I haven’t seen him since 1987.  He just left one day.   He was supposed to pick me up from school but he never showed.  I cried the whole time I waited for our neighbor to come get me.  At first we thought something happened to him, but it turns out he had packed all his belongings, emptied the bank account, and just up and left.”  Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, Jared takes a deep breath.  “Sometimes I wish something did happen to him, that way I would know that I wasn’t worth leaving.”

Jensen’s heart falls out.  “Jared you…you were a kid.  No kid is worth leaving.”

Closing his eyes and putting up a hand to stop Jensen from speaking, Jared urged him to let him finish.  “We didn’t have any savings left.  The police never tracked him down.  My mother had to start all over again.”  He pushed himself up into a sitting position, using one hand to brush the hair out of his face.  “She did the best she could, I can’t fault her, but I didn’t have a childhood like most other kids.  Sometimes I felt like the only kids at school without a dad or that people, mostly adults, would talk about me and what happened.  I could see their looks of pity even at 5 years old.  I didn’t want their pity, it made me feel like there was something wrong with me, like I deserved to be left.  It was hard, but after a few years my siblings and I got used to it.  Things got better, but it started to teach me not to depend on anyone else.”

“Not everyone is like your Dad.”  Jensen watched the wall surrounding Jared come tumbling down brick by brick.  He wanted to say more but he was afraid of cutting Jared off and stopping his disclosure.

“I know that.”  He let out a strange laugh of disbelief.  “I mean, Paul is a great guy.  Man, Jensen you should have seen the wringer I put that man through.  I hated him from the get go.  I did everything in my power to let him know that, to prevent him from becoming a part of my life.  But then my mom married him in 1991 and we were stuck in the same house.  I still made his life a living hell.  I didn’t show him any respect, cursed at him if he ever referred to me as his son in front of people, I probably put a hell of a lot of stress on his marriage with my mother.  For years I despised the man.”

“So what changed?”

“That’s the thing.  Nothing changed.  No matter what I threw at him he never stopped trying.  I figured he had to be genuine if he was willing to take that amount of abuse and still stick around.  He loves me, god knows why, I didn’t give him many reasons to, but he loves me.  I thought he deserved to be called my dad after that.  And he’s been a better one than my biological father.  Just because we don’t share the same genes doesn’t mean I don’t consider him family.  He’s a pretty great grandfather to the girls too, he just loves them.  He loves kids; never had any of his own, but always thought of my brother, sister, and I as his.  So I know not everyone is like my dad…but…yeah.”   Jared covered both eyes with the palms of his hands, a gesture he often fell on.

Jensen pulls his hands away, cups both of them in his own, and sighs with the weight of Jared’s story.  "Thank you for telling me that."  Squeezing Jared's hands, he tries to comfort the younger man.  “I’m sorry that happened to you.  I’m sorry you feel that way.”  He dropped a soft kiss onto Jared’s forehead.  “You didn’t do anything to deserve that.”  Rubbing the pad of his thumb across Jared’s cheek, Jensen brushes it upward to swipe away the hint of a tear in the corner of his eye.  “You are an amazing person.  I need you to understand that.”

The only answer from Jared was a weak nod.  “There are other things, other things I don’t feel like talking about right now.”  Flustered, Jared’s chest rose and fell as he swallowed down the emotions threatening to take hold.  Visibly upset, he floundered for words to make the feeling go away.  “I’ll tell you everything.  I promise.  But right now can we change the subject?”

At the thought of Jared going through more hardships, Jensen’s whole body sighs.  Jared’s told him more tonight than he ever dared to before and pushing him any further would be cruel.  “Of course we can.  What do you want to talk about?”

Jared wiped his eyes for the third time and shook himself out of the buried memories he had dug up.  “I don’t know.  Anything.  Like….What is your biggest fear?”

Jensen answers without even giving the question a second thought.  “Disease ravishing the entire planet.”

Clearly shocked with the quick response, Jared raises one eyebrow.  “Really?”  The change of subject is working, and Jared's mind is already invested in the words coming out of Jensen's mouth.

“Yeah.  How does that not terrify you?”

Jared falls back onto the bed, resting on his side but keeping himself propped up on his elbow.  “Because it isn’t going to happen.”

“You don’t know that.”  Jensen truly is afraid of that, but he can poke fun at himself.  “We could wake up tomorrow and the entire world can fall victims to some rapidly spreading disease.”

“So the zombie epidemic?  That’s what you are afraid of?&rdquo 

“Hey, it could happen.  Have you been listening to the news lately?  You never know.”  He is half kidding, but Jensen really does believe in living life to its fullest because nothing is ever certain, even zombies.

Jared snorts out a laugh, his eyes back to exuding his usual energy.  “Jensen, do you know how crazy that sounds?  How could you be so afraid of that?”

“Because I, naturally, would be immune to it.  And I would have to watch every single one of my loved ones die.  What is more painful than that?”  Jensen falls down beside Jared so he can face him.  “Nothing.  Nothing is more painful than that.”

Thinking for a moment, Jared’s face fills with adoration.  “That’s actually quite sweet.”

“Really?  All of my loved ones dying is sweet?  You're one sick puppy.”  Jensen pulls back in mock insult.

“No.  Essentially, your biggest fear is watching your loved ones dying and not being able to help.”  Jared cupped Jensen’s face with his palm.  “I think that kind of devotion is sweet, and hard to come by.”

“That’s me.”  Smirking, Jensen leaned into Jared’s touch.  “Just don’t go and become a zombie or anything.”

“I’ll try not to.”

“I mean it.”  Despite the silly concept, there is a sincerity in Jensen’s words that pierces through Jared.  It’s almost fear; the fear that he can lose Jared – the person he is becoming more and more enamored with each day.

Jared leans closer.  “People mean that much to you, huh?”

“Only certain people.”  Jensen’s eyes are curved in the corners and he is staring directly into Jared.

“People like me?”  It’s a teasing question that Jared knows the answer to already but he asks it anyway.

“People like you.&rdquo 

They stare at each other for the moment, the gravity of the night’s events fitting into place in their minds.  Jared nods, like he’s come to some vital decision.  “Okay, I promise.  I won’t become a zombie or fall victim to disease.  I’ll just stay here with you.”  He draws out the word stay, like it explains everything.  He’s looking up at Jensen with lips still swollen from being wrapped around the man’s cock.

Jensen presses his lips against Jared’s, smiling into the kiss.  He yanks Jared close.  Jared’s words are dangerous ones and he is going to hold the man to that promise.  “Good.”

Jared surprises him for the hundredth time when he grabs Jensen’s hand and slides it down his belly and guides it into the front of his pants.  There is a heat of neglect radiating into his palm and he is conflicted with decisions to both pull away and wrap his hand around Jared’s length.

Nipping at his lips, Jared arches into Jensen’s hand.  “If I mean that much to you, I figure I can trust you with,” he nodded to his groin, “ _that._ &rdquo 

Swallowing hard, Jensen finally gets the message to his fingers to curl around the semi-hard flesh.  He doesn’t bother asking if Jared is sure, because he knows he is.  There are still boundaries Jared it not willing to cross yet, but letting Jensen touch him isn’t one of them anymore.  Leaving Jared’s clothes on, he makes quick work of finding a rhythm with his fist that sends Jared into a chorus of moans underneath his kiss.  It’s a baby step but it’s a huge one.  He looks lover Jared’s form to the clock on the nightstand.  They’ve got 30 minutes, more than enough time to give Jared a taste of his own medicine.  He twists his hand and Jared’s reduced to breathy panting.  It's just the two of them again, ghosts of the past kept at bay.  Jared’s clinging to him, dick responsive - hardening and pushing into his palm, alive with Jensen’s touch.  Jensen can't help thinking how lucky he is when he finally hears his name on Jared's tongue the way it was always meant to be yelled.  There is no pain or fear, just a vulnerability and an openness that means _everything_.  It's fucking beautiful.  It's real.  And when Jared finally comes hot and sticky over Jensen's fist, he can't help but think, _yep, Jared is definitely not a zombie_.


End file.
